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July 19, 2017 / Heather

Focus

My writing is standing still.

I don’t know if it’s because I don’t feel like I have my footing yet after the fire or if it’s because of everything happening ing all at once, but my writing is standing still.

Whenever I try to work on my story it’s like I can do anything but focus and then darkness comes in. Not like suicidal thoughts or thoughts like my work is t good enough. Just actual darkness comes into my mind. Think storm clouds.

I tried to write a poem today in a few moments at work. The words didn’t want to come out.

All I want to do right now is work on my story and get things done and it feels like everything is against me for that. I don’t currently have a dedicated space I can go, I don’t have writing group every week…

I feel like I’ve lost a lot of myself lately. And I don’t like how that feels. I’m still debating a thought I posted in a deviantArt journal asking do I type my poems up or submit pictures of the pieces I write and get things out faster. Seriously leaning on the picture option. Also gives me a shame reason to write slow enough that my writing looks good and not like slop it usually does.

My mind is foggy right now as I’m about to head to bed after typing this up and part of that is my writing issues and part of that is because I finished the latest Dan Wells novel Nothing Left to Lose which is the last John Cleaved novel which makes me terribly sad. The series is wonderful.

Something just doesn’t feel right at the moment and I don’t know what I can do to make it right again… I’ll get there some time.

~Heather/Razor/Shavor

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